


banana baboon

by motherofye3ts



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: (mildly), Chatting & Messaging, Inspired by Real Events, Lee Yut-Lung & Okumura Eiji are Best Friends, M/M, Okumura Eiji Swears, Shorter Wong Is a Good Friend, Soft Ash Lynx, Texting, and eiji is an idiot, ash has a massive crush, chatfic, everyone teases ash, they're all little shits, what else can i say
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29217381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherofye3ts/pseuds/motherofye3ts
Summary: [short] y’all my grandma is on my ass about my music taste we really should start a kickstarter to put her down[awooga] what song are you listening to rn[short] ,,,,,,,,,,,, we aren’t gonna talk about it[even shorter] BRUH DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE LISTENING TO WAP IN FRONT OF YOUR GRANDMA AGAIN[candy cain] AGAIN????????????????????????????????[even shorter] this has happened on multiple occasions[awooga] BHAHAHAHAHAHAHA[short] OK BUT IT’S NOT WAP THIS TIME[short] it’s 34+35[awooga] FUCKING ARIANA GRANDA JKLDSFJLAKFJDGKLFDG[candy cain] granda[awooga] SHUTTTT
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji & Shorter Wong, Ash Lynx & Shorter Wong, Ash Lynx & Sing Soo-Ling, Ash Lynx & Skipper (Banana Fish), Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Cain Blood & Ash Lynx, Lee Yut-Lung & Okumura Eiji, Okumura Eiji & Shorter Wong, Sing Soo-Ling & Shorter Wong, Sing Soo-Ling/Shorter Wong
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36





	banana baboon

**Author's Note:**

> i should not be starting another chatfic 😍 but i'm built different ig so like here's to all the depressees after watching banana fish 
> 
> awooga = ash  
> short = shorter  
> even shorter = sing  
> candy cain = cain  
> alexa = alex

[awooga] hey guys today my brother pushed me so I’m starting a kickstarter to put him down

[short] bEnEfItS wOuLd Be I wOuLd GeT pUsHeD wAy LeSs

[even shorter] ash your brother’s dead

[awooga] shhh

[candy cain] bruh why this suddenly

[awooga] me and eiji are watching vines together and I found that one funny cause someoene did in fact, put my brother down 😁

[short] IM 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[candy cain] BRUH KJLAKFJADKFGJAH

[even shorter] LMAO NO HWY ARE WE LAUGHING

[awooga] I always laugh at my trauma g

[short] y’all my grandma is on my ass about my music taste we really should start a kickstarter to put her down

[awooga] what song are you listening to rn

[short] ,,,,,,,,,,,, we aren’t gonna talk about it

[even shorter] BRUH DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE LISTENING TO WAP IN FRONT OF YOUR GRANDMA AGAIN

[candy cain] AGAIN????????????????????????????????

[even shorter] this has happened on multiple occasions

[awooga] BHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[short] OK BUT IT’S NOT WAP THIS TIME

[short] it’s 34+35

[awooga] FUCKING ARIANA GRANDA JKLDSFJLAKFJDGKLFDG

[candy cain] granda

[awooga] SHUTTTT

[short] it’s also the remix with doja cat and megan thee stallion 😁

[even shorter] that version is an actual bop tho

[candy cain] bruh its 2021 who tf says bop anymore

[awooga] sing apparently

[short] hey should I take my headphones off

[awooga] depends which song are you listening to

[short] ddlg by ppcocaine

[awooga] HKANHJBFKDABHAHAHAHABABAHAHAHAHAH

[candy cain] take them off shawty 😏😏😏

[short] you think I’m a pussy bitch? I’ll do it

[short] I’ll update y’all

[even shorter] he’s gonna get his ass beat

[short] MY SISTER HEARD IT AND STARTED LAUGHING HER ASS OFF AND THEN STARTED SINGING ALONG

[short] MY GRANDMA HEARD IT SHE’S REACHING FOR HER FLIP FLOP

[short] OH FUJCKCNMKAJNKJCJHJ

[candy cain] imagine having the balls-

[candy cain] if my mom heard my music she’d kick my ass out

[alexa] wap should have a remix with doja cat in it I said what I said

[awooga] actually?? I’d like to hear that

[candy cain] it would be,, interesting

[even shorter] hey ash how close to eiji are you rn

[awooga] uhh he’s right next to me but his eyes are on his computer we’re still watching vine compilations

[even shorter] ok great

[even shorter] ash @ eiji: <https://youtu.be/0OmRrFD8zJk>

[awooga] I’M GONNA KCIK YOU

[even shorter] bJAJAHAJHAKGFNDKLJAKJAHFKDJBADKJ

[awooga] HE HEARD THE SONG PLAYING FROM MY PHONE ONG SING IM GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU

[awooga] HE DOESN’T KNOW THE CNOTEXT HTANK GOD BUT STILL

[short] HAKA,NKJAENAKLJAHKAJHDAKJAHKJAD,JAKJ K

[candy cain] I CANTL BREHJAHTE

[awooga] THIS BITCH

[awooga] “oh it’s a nice song. what does it mean?”

[awooga] HJEKLMALKJREFGKHJA

[awooga] I AM THIS CLOSE TO SCREAMING

[alexa] IM ACTUALLY SCREAMING LKAMDFKLJDAFGAKJDF

[even shorter] OK BUT THE SONG IS GOOD THO

[candy cain] I don’t see cap

[alexa] PLSJALSKDJAKFDGKDFG BUT JUST IMAGINE ASH SINGING THAT TO EIJI IM SJLKAGDJFGKLADFJH

[short] ONG IT GETS FUNNIER JAMKJNAKJAHFAKJNAFDJKHA

[awooga] I can feel myself on fire pls

[candy cain] megan thee stallion has no reason to be that bad of a bitch

[awooga] ^^^asf

[alexa] preach

[short] all her songs are bangers

[even shorter] she’s also like insanely beautiful

[awooga] look at the homosexuals talking about how beautiful a woman is LMAO

[candy cain] ash we’re both bi

[alexa] I’m straight

[awooga] sUre 🙄

[alexa] questioning

[even shorter] how did all the queers become friends LMAOOJLOUKFJK

[short] ash is a gay magnet

[awooga] BHAJDJNKAKJDJKASJKJ

[awooga] apparently llmao

[short] why can’t we add eiji in here hes fun to hang around 😢

[even shorter] cause ash’s idiot gay ass would explode

[short] yknow what that’s fair

[even shorter] we’d also have to stop teasing ash about his MASSIVE CRUSH on eiji and that’s not fun

[awooga] eiji is my emotional support human shut up

[candy cain] an insanely pretty emotional human

[alexa] who you once drunkenly claimed was “prettier than marina”

[alexa] and then you started singing bubblegum bitch

[candy cain] that was a fun night

[awooga] SHUSH

[awooga] HE’S RIGHT NEXT TO ME IDIOTS

[awooga] I MEAN HE’S FIXATED ON WATCHING A KID BOUNCE A BALL WITH HIS HEAD BUT STILL

[even shorter] oh don’t forget the multiple late night rants about how you love him so much and how squishable his cheeks are and how he has a great ass even if its kinda flat

[awooga] DID YOU QUOTE ME WORD FOR WORD WTF 

[short] we all have ss of it

[candy cain] I don’t but go off ig

[short] don’t pretend like you don’t have any cain you probably have more than all of us

[candy cain] dude shut up

[awooga] I am now leaving

[even shorter] good luck getting some

[awooga] who says im getting it

[even shorter] ?

[awooga] 😉😏

[short] JWOAHWKJMIJMKLKJLDFANJK

[candy cain] TMITMITMITMITMITMITMITMITMITMITMITM

[awooga] I have to go or else he’s gonna start yelling at me that I’m not paying attention

[short] tell us what happens later

[awooga] yeah yeah 🙄

[short] I know I give my grandma a lot of shit but her food is just

[even shorter] ^^agreed

[alexa] send your favorite copyapastas

[short] anime ones included?

[alexa] yes

[candy cain] I have two

[alexa] send both

[candy cain] bet

[candy cain] What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo

[alexa] I LOVE THAT

[candy cain] the second one:

[candy cain] I've been posting copypastas since before 2016, and I can say without a doubt that this "OwO" trend is by far the worst thing to ever happen to copypasta. I can recite the Navy Seals speech by heart, and yet you think you know better than me. Phrases like "penis-kun" have bastardized the medium and have no place in what used to be a noble hobby. If I see one more OwO I'm going to have no choice but to report you.

[alexa] excellent

[short] h-hewwo...owunce of weed pwease >///< arigato... dealer-kun puts weedie-chan in bong and inhales waaah!! (╯✧▽✧)╯ daisuki cannabis desu~! (^ ω ^ )uwaaa! weedie-chan i feel so kimochi!!(〃°ω°〃) hehe~ ur deep inside me now x3

[alexa] BAHJAJKLAKJHAJA PLS IM CRYING

[even shorter] Writing ✍️ is 👉 not ✋ that 😀 easy 😩 BUT 😏 grammarly 🤌 can ☺️ help 🤝 this 👇sentence 📜is 😯 grammatically 🧠 correct 👍 but🤪 its 😖 wordy 🤯 and ➕ hard 😤 to 😳 read 📖

[alexa] thanks

[alexa] im gonna go bother my sister with these now

[short] as you should king

[even shorter] we’ll miss you g

[awooga] hey y’all I got kicked out of eiji’s house cause his parents found out I was in there 😁

[short] oh dayum

[awooga] they don’t like me much

[awooga] they deadass think im gonna turn their son gay

[awooga] I cant just turn someone gay

[awooga] I mean if he realizes hes gay cause of me then its not my fault im just that hot

[even shorter] his parents are homophobic?

[awooga] yeah and I’m openly bi

[awooga] this th life shawty

[candy cain] gahdayum

[alexa] f in the chat for the fallen homie

[awooga] LMAO you think that’s gonna stop me?

[awooga] if anything’s gonna stop me from pursuing him is my own insecurities and idiocy

[awooga] not his bitchass parents

[candy cain] as you should king 🥶👑

[short] I have to go do my hw or else my mom is gonna go ballistic on my ass

[awooga] and shorter takes the prize for long word of the day

[candy cain] NO HE’S BROKEN MY STREAK

[candy cain] no wait I can still recuperate

[candy cain] supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

[awooga] HOW DID YOU SPELL THAT CORRECTLY

[candy cain] no comment

[even shorter] im so- 💀💀💀

[alexa] confusion 100

[short] bye im leaving

**Author's Note:**

> hope you like it g's 🥶🥶 the chapters are gonna be inconsistent asf but eh idc 
> 
> also here's a link to @w6rship's server so you can talk and make friends ig, or ask questions: https://discord.gg/GWe2pghF8d


End file.
